How can it be that time has gone by so quickly that I am no longer in the lullaby, nursery rhyme, and piggyback years? Had I known that having all my kids within 4 years and done by age 24 was going to leave me still pining for a baby at 33, I think I'd have slowed down the process.
But there is no going back, and seeing how life has changed over the past several years, I don't know that I'd want to. So tomorrow I celebrate the birthday of my son with happiness and memories.
There are so many things that Jacob is able to do, things that were a big question mark for so long- Would he ever understand us? Will he speak? Can he have any type of a normal life? Can I? I spent years grieving and questioning and afraid of the future.
I didn't know that the years would pass and Jacob's autism would become so much a part of our family, so central to who we are that imagining life with a typical youngest child seems odd. Now the questions are different- Would we have been as close? Laugh this much? Love so unconditionally?
The blessings that have come into my life and to my family have so much to do with Jacob. His short life so far has influenced our personalities, our habits, our level of acceptance of people who are a little different.
His autism has brought people into our lives that have touched it for good. He brings smiles to our faces and joy to our hearts. There is no question that Jacob is a special spirit who was meant to be just like he is and to be with this family.
The hard times are heartbreaking and painful, but the simple joy of seeing him learn and progress greatly outweighs those tough times and makes them almost disappear.
Nine years, countless lessons, immeasurable love. Life with Jacob is a gift and a blessing that I am forever grateful for.