Sunday, November 22, 2009

Jacob started crying yesterday afternoon. Not tantruming, not throwing a fit. Crying. Bawling, really. It was the saddest thing to witness. He was so frustrated that he couldn't make me understand what he was trying so hard to communicate, and he just broke down into discouraged, lonely tears.

My heart cracked apart a little so see this from my baby. He tries so hard, so hard, to talk to us and help us understand what his little head is thinking. I cant imagine the struggle it would be to never really speak to anyone and to have so much you want to express.

I wonder, if I couldn't alone speak, how would I communicate? What else is there?

Jacob has very few outlets for connection to others. His detailed, miniature paper-doll characters, scotch tape costumes, drawings pinned to the wall, these are the only indications Jacob gives of what he thinks about, what he likes, and how much of the outside world is getting through to him.

Even though he wept big dripping tears that pulled my heartstrings, there is some relief in the situation. He still wants to talk to us, he is still trying, he is not so far into his own head that he doesn't still want personal relationships with us. And that is really great to be reassued of.

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