Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I had a difficult time with my little boy JJ today. I wanted to take him out, and my other kids are gone visiting grandma, so we decided to go to my husband's softball game. I thought we'd walk around, watch daddy for a bit, play on the playground. JJ ended up being very difficult, sensory overload I guess, and he kind of lost control. I was embarrased and stressed and physically worn out by the time I madhandled him back to the minivan. As I sat in the van and cried I came to the realization that I have passed a stage in mine and my son's lives. We can no longer be out in public without it being obvious he is *different.* We get more open stares, questions form kids, and quite a lot of raised eyebrows aimed in our direction. JJ is loud and large and easily draws attention. I'm still adjusting to this way of life. I don't like to draw attention to myself, and now it's out of my control and happening regularly. And I'm unsure of how I feel about it. I want my little boy to be out in the world, but I don't want him to be hurt. I know he needs to get out of the house and experience other people and places, but it would be so much easier to hole up in the comfort of our home safe forever.


Inkling said...

That sounds so difficult. I imagine that you probably feel more conspicuous than you are, and that the people who look are having kind thoughts rather than judgemental ones. I think you are brave to keep trying.

The Mathews Four said...

Hugs to you.

AmberL said...

What a wonderful mother you are. JJ is so lucky to have you!