Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?
Props if you know that song. :)
Eight months. I have not been here to my blog for eight months. Of course, a lot happens in a growing family in eight months. Too much to try and go back and account for it all. I'll just wrap it up like this: Tyler is driving and dating, Maddie is book-obsessed, Jacob is talking more every day, and we have a new child living with us. Oh, and we bought a house.
See, too much to try and go back and remember the interesting details. Suffice it to say, we are happy and pressing on.
I am sitting in the library of a tiny Iowa town, not the one that I live, enjoying the complete silence except for my typing. I have 2 hours to myself as I wait for Jacob's school day to end, and I have been wanting to get back to writing a bit, so this seemed the perfect time.
Now I sit here thinking of what to say, of what I need to put out there, and I am realizing that I have become very reserved in the months that have passed. I haven't shared much of myself, my trials and joys, my personal experience with anyone for way too long. Its a release to me, this task of sitting down to a keyboard and letting my thoughts run out my fingertips.
I suppose this means my life is running smoothly. No tragic events, no incredible highs.
And while some people might find that the easiest way to live, I fear it puts me on the road to depression. I need spice. I need to feel down to feel up again. Is that ludicrous? Wanting the roller coaster?
I don't wish for unhappiness or pain, but action. Things happening, requiring me to think and have new experiences. I am not one to be contented with continual calm. I have always appreciated the high of adrenaline, the freedom of speed, the search.
Sometimes I wonder if this is just immaturity. Do I need to grow up a bit and realize that calm and consistent is a blessing? Maybe. Heaven knows I don't feel like a grown-up in many areas of my life.
I have everything and everyone I need. I am a fortunate woman. I know this, but it doesn't completely drown out the desire for something to inspire me.
I will be back soon. I feel my fingers regaining their energy to string together words. My mind has been shaken a bit, and writing will start to call to me again. Finally.
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
My Kansas City Weekend
Kansas City Temple
Inside the spiral of the Community of Christ temple
Union Station, KC
Maddie and Tyler
City of Fountains; Neptune
Oldest carousel in the world
Abandoned
KC Public Library
National Cemetery, Leavenworth, KS
Historic Fort Leavenworth
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Scary night and worse morning.
We had tornado sirens going off last night. We had the kids all awake and hudled on the couch, waiting to go into our dark, wet, stinky basement until we had to. We didn't end up needing to hide out, but it really was exciting watching the lightning and wind. I like storms, but Madison was freaked out. Then at about 3am Chris got called into work to restore all the downed power lines.
So I didn't fall asleep until about 5am, then up again at 7 to take Tyler and Maddie to school. Jacob never went back to sleep after we woke him up at 1:30am. I decided not to take him to school, since I was way too tired to do my daily 3 hours of driving, and he hadn't slept and was grumpy. So at about 9:45 there was a Mcdonalds commercial on tv and Jacob was begging to go there, and getting mad about it. I signed to him we'd go later, and thats the last thing I remember.
At 11:15 my phone rings, wakes me out of a dead sleep on the couch. As soon as the phone rang I woke up in a panic- Jacob wasn't right beside me any longer. Chris tells me he just picked up Jacob several blocks down the road. I didn't even know he got out.
It was truly a blessing that Chris got off work early. There's no other time he'd be driving down the same street Jacob was running down. And if he hadn't been working overnight, it would have been a regular schedule and Jacob could have been gone until I eventually woke up- who knows how much later.
Jacob had closed all the curtains in the living room where I was asleep, turned off lights, unplugged the TV, and turned off the alarm on the back door. he does this when we pretend- obviously he wanted me not to wake up. He also must have climbed over the fence to get out of the backyard. He was so intentional in his sneaking out. I'm just so thankful for Chris finding him.
Jacob may have had a goal in his mind, but he had no idea where he was going, had nothing to identify him, and had on a cub scout shirt that is many sizes too small so only the very top button could be buttoned and his big tummy was hanging out. And no shoes. I think you all know he doesn't talk and could not tell anyone who he is or where he lives.
I feel quite ill about it. I am so mad at myself for falling asleep. Things could have been bad.
We had tornado sirens going off last night. We had the kids all awake and hudled on the couch, waiting to go into our dark, wet, stinky basement until we had to. We didn't end up needing to hide out, but it really was exciting watching the lightning and wind. I like storms, but Madison was freaked out. Then at about 3am Chris got called into work to restore all the downed power lines.
So I didn't fall asleep until about 5am, then up again at 7 to take Tyler and Maddie to school. Jacob never went back to sleep after we woke him up at 1:30am. I decided not to take him to school, since I was way too tired to do my daily 3 hours of driving, and he hadn't slept and was grumpy. So at about 9:45 there was a Mcdonalds commercial on tv and Jacob was begging to go there, and getting mad about it. I signed to him we'd go later, and thats the last thing I remember.
At 11:15 my phone rings, wakes me out of a dead sleep on the couch. As soon as the phone rang I woke up in a panic- Jacob wasn't right beside me any longer. Chris tells me he just picked up Jacob several blocks down the road. I didn't even know he got out.
It was truly a blessing that Chris got off work early. There's no other time he'd be driving down the same street Jacob was running down. And if he hadn't been working overnight, it would have been a regular schedule and Jacob could have been gone until I eventually woke up- who knows how much later.
Jacob had closed all the curtains in the living room where I was asleep, turned off lights, unplugged the TV, and turned off the alarm on the back door. he does this when we pretend- obviously he wanted me not to wake up. He also must have climbed over the fence to get out of the backyard. He was so intentional in his sneaking out. I'm just so thankful for Chris finding him.
Jacob may have had a goal in his mind, but he had no idea where he was going, had nothing to identify him, and had on a cub scout shirt that is many sizes too small so only the very top button could be buttoned and his big tummy was hanging out. And no shoes. I think you all know he doesn't talk and could not tell anyone who he is or where he lives.
I feel quite ill about it. I am so mad at myself for falling asleep. Things could have been bad.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Friday, Friday, Gotta Get Down on Friday
Another lovely day on my own, exploring my part of Iowa and taking pictures. I am loving the small farm-town charm!
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Someone Else's Child
I am facing a huge delima. I have never been in this situation before, and my mind is consumed by it, day and night, and I know that I need to take steps to make it better. But how?
I have been witnessing, for quite some time, a family of three children with single mother that is going downhill. There is no lack of love, or of a desire on the mom's behalf, to help these young children grow up happy and healthy. But despite that desire, there is an extreme lack of parenting skills and understanding of how to raise children. It breaks my heart every day.
I watch this woman, my friend since I was a teenager, as she continues to make efforts, but fails nearly every time. She has had many other people (extended family, state agencies, school professionals) try to step in and help with the raising of her children, but every time the responsibility falls back on her, the kids become more and more difficult, violent, and emotionally withdrawn. There are no fathers in the picture, no male influence at all. My friend is hanging on to the very end of the rope, about ready to let go.
In the past several months, her oldest daughter has been sent to live in a "children's home" for kids with severe behavioral challenges. She was initially sent there for 2 weeks, but it ended up being a 3 months stay. This child is 11. Now she has returned home and is reverting back to the behavior that she was committed for.
The middle child, a boy, has had the police called 7 times for aggression towards his mom and sisters. He has a court date next week for an assault 4 charge. The result of this court may very well be sending him to JV. He is nine. I was at this boy's birth. I have seen the different sides of his personality, and I don't think it is too late for change.
The youngest child, a little girl, has been ok until very recently. All around her she is seeing aggression and neglect and has become a victim. I know she recognizes the attention her older siblings are receiving, and must think the only way to get some of that attention for herself is to act as they do. And who can blame her? Every day is a war zone in that home.
I want to bring the boy to live with us here in Iowa. We are far from perfect ourselves, but my family has love to spare, and a strong desire to show this little boy he is loveable, and to teach him how to be happy. He loves no human beings more than he loves my son, Tyler and my husband. They could be a great example for kindness and gentleness and love for him.
It would be a difficult transition, no doubt. An extra body to feed and clothe and care for. But the chance that we could make a difference by helping this precious boy to feel loved and wanted, how could I not offer that? I know it would be worth it.
I am stretching out my arms, ready to love another woman's child. And she is there, grabbing my hands and begging for a safe place for her baby. Can I do this?
I have been witnessing, for quite some time, a family of three children with single mother that is going downhill. There is no lack of love, or of a desire on the mom's behalf, to help these young children grow up happy and healthy. But despite that desire, there is an extreme lack of parenting skills and understanding of how to raise children. It breaks my heart every day.
I watch this woman, my friend since I was a teenager, as she continues to make efforts, but fails nearly every time. She has had many other people (extended family, state agencies, school professionals) try to step in and help with the raising of her children, but every time the responsibility falls back on her, the kids become more and more difficult, violent, and emotionally withdrawn. There are no fathers in the picture, no male influence at all. My friend is hanging on to the very end of the rope, about ready to let go.
In the past several months, her oldest daughter has been sent to live in a "children's home" for kids with severe behavioral challenges. She was initially sent there for 2 weeks, but it ended up being a 3 months stay. This child is 11. Now she has returned home and is reverting back to the behavior that she was committed for.
The middle child, a boy, has had the police called 7 times for aggression towards his mom and sisters. He has a court date next week for an assault 4 charge. The result of this court may very well be sending him to JV. He is nine. I was at this boy's birth. I have seen the different sides of his personality, and I don't think it is too late for change.
The youngest child, a little girl, has been ok until very recently. All around her she is seeing aggression and neglect and has become a victim. I know she recognizes the attention her older siblings are receiving, and must think the only way to get some of that attention for herself is to act as they do. And who can blame her? Every day is a war zone in that home.
I want to bring the boy to live with us here in Iowa. We are far from perfect ourselves, but my family has love to spare, and a strong desire to show this little boy he is loveable, and to teach him how to be happy. He loves no human beings more than he loves my son, Tyler and my husband. They could be a great example for kindness and gentleness and love for him.
It would be a difficult transition, no doubt. An extra body to feed and clothe and care for. But the chance that we could make a difference by helping this precious boy to feel loved and wanted, how could I not offer that? I know it would be worth it.
I am stretching out my arms, ready to love another woman's child. And she is there, grabbing my hands and begging for a safe place for her baby. Can I do this?
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)